VANITY FARE

Being cheeky, Entertainment Weekly asked actor Ryan Reynolds to write a biography of himself for the June 17th issue.

Reynolds offers:

LITTLE RYAN:

“In the Reynolds household, family came first. He spent a great deal of time with his older brothers and, in turn, his brothers were very close to him. Usually within striking distance. Fun to bruise and generally considered to be ‘emergency food,’ he was teased for being the sensitive kid who liked to mow the lawn and get punched in the face.”

MAPQUEST: HELL-A:

After moving to Los Angeles at the tender age of 19 - armed with only $600 and a rape whistle - he quickly established himself as one of Hollywood’s most dynamic and immensely talented waiters.”